私が思う「私の本当にやりたいこと」

私のやっていることは果たして何のためにやっているのか。

そんなことをたまに考えたりもします。

 

ですが、その行き着く先はいつも同じ答えでした。

 

 

「他人に凄いと思われたい」

 

 

これが私の本当にやりたいことです。

 

 

 

反論

 

ですが、このように答えると、

 

「そうじゃなくて、他人がどうとか関係なくあなたがやりたいことを答えて!」と言われることがあります。

しかし、私はこの質問の意図が理解できません。

 

なぜなら私のやりたいことの行き着く先は全て「他人に凄いと思われたい」という欲望から生まれるものだったから。

 

なので、私は「私を評価してくれる他人」がいない世界になったら、やりたいことなんて1つもないのかもしれません。

 

私は日々、誰かから「凄い」「こんな人見たことない」「羨ましい」「俺もあなたのようになりたい」「ずるい」「ムカつく」という風に思われるためにWebサイトを作ったり、ITエンジニアとして業務に勤しんだり、自分のYouTubeチャンネルに動画を投稿したり、Twitter144文字の文章を投稿したりするのです。

 

だからこそ私の本当にやりたいことにはいつも「私を評価してくれる他人」が絡んでいるのです。

 

これが私の「本当にやりたいこと」です。

 

(終わり)

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